i WANTED TO SHARE THIS DREAM WITH YOU BECAUSE OF THE INSIGHT IT GAVE ME AND AN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF LISA'S LIFE. WHAT A TREMENDOUS EFFORT ON HER PART JUST TO LIVE HER OWN LIFE AND PROVIDE A NORMAL LIFE FOR HER CHILDREN AND KEEP SMILING THAT BEAUTIFUL SMILE.
I DREAMED THAT ALAN MATHENEY WAS OUT OF PRISON AND THAT I WAS NOW HIS VICTIM AND BEING STALKED. DURING THE TIME BETWEEN LISA'S MURDER AND NOW,I BUILT UP THIS SHEER WALL IN GUT, HEART AND MIND THAT I WOULD HAVE NO FEAR OF HIM BECAUSE I WILLED THAT HE WOULD NOT "KILL" ME EMOTIONALLY AND TO PRESENT A GOOD FRONT FOR THE GIRLS. IN THE DREAM, A THOUGHT AND FEAR EMANATING FROM THE PIT OF MY STOMACH AND IN THE BACK OF MY MIND WAS "WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO NEXT?", "WHAT WILL I FIND WHEN I GET HOME?", WHEN IS HE GOING TO KILL ME AS HE PROMISED?", " I KNOW THEY WON'T DO ANYTHING 'TILL HE KILLS ME"," WHY WILL NO ONE LISTEN AND BELIEVE?", "WHY DOES NO ONE CARE?" EVERYTHING I DID IN THE NORMAL COURSE OF THE DAY HAD TO BE FILTERED THROUGH THIS. IN THE DREAM, I DID FIND HIM IN THE HOUSE WHEN I CAME HOME AND I REMEMBER HIM TELLING ME THAT MY WORK IN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WAS GOING TO BE MY DOWNFALL. THERE WAS AN OBJECT THAT WAS EITHER A CELLPHONE OR A GUN THAT I SLIPPED UNDER A MATTRESS. IN THE LAST SCENE OF THE DREAM, THERE WERE POLICE OUTSIDE THE DOOR, BUT I COULD NOT GET AWAY. I LIVED LISA'S AND SO MANY OTHER'S LIVES IN THAT DREAM. DEAR GOD, WHY WOMEN? IT TOOKK 100 YEARS TO GET THE VOTE, HOW LONG BEFORE THE FACTS ARE ACKNOWLEDGED? WITHOUT ACKNOWLEDGEMENT CAN THERE BE CHANGE? i READ THAT THE MURDER RATE IS TEN TO ONE FOR MEN MURDERING AN INTIMATE PARTNER, AS OPPOSED TO WOMEN MURDERING. THIS PUTS ME IN MIND OF THE SENATOR WHO TOLD ME THAT THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY. IT JUST DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU WANT TO BELIEVE AND REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE. BRINGING LISA'S MESSAGES TO YOU- MILLIE | AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesJuly 2012 CategoriesAll |
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